Traditional Marriage – Facing a Painful Reality

I like war movies.  I guess I got that from my dad.  My father was a WWII veteran who lied about his age and volunteered as a 16 year-old to fight for America.  He was always quick to explain that his patriotism and desire for adventure greatly exceeded his knowledge of what he was getting into.  I have two sons of my own, the youngest of which is seventeen.  It is hard for me to imagine either of them going to Italy and fighting across the Apennine Mountains at the age of 17.   I can’t imagine having done so myself.  Yet my dad and many others did. I used to love to watch war movies with my dad and listen to him talk about the different battle tactics.

Fighting a war took courage and selflessness, and each battle also required some improvisation.  Some battles are best engaged head-on.  Others beg to be fought on the enemy's flanks.  Dad used to tell the stories of being both promoted and busted in rank (more than once) for disobeying orders.  He told one story about being commanded to make a frontal assault on a German position when he knew it meant certain death.  Instead of following orders, he led his team on a flanking maneuver, took the position, and lived to fight another day - although at a lower rank.  He thought the trade-off was worth it. 

I think there are some lessons here for Christians in the battle we have been fighting to preserve traditional marriage.  This is a fight we neither wanted nor asked for.  It’s not like the Christian view of marriage - one man and one woman committed to each other for life – is new.  Our view has not changed in two thousand years.  Yet, in the span of a scant few decades, and particularly the last ten years, America has embraced a revolution against the traditional view of marriage.

Initially, opponents of traditional marriage used tactics that predominantly consisted of quiet persuasion and organizational infiltration – a low-key campaign for hearts and minds carried out among the cultural influencers of our country.  As Hollywood, elite universities, teachers' unions, culture writers, and the like of social influencers became engaged, they joined the campaign against the traditional view of marriage.  Christians did not always respond to the opposition in Christ-like ways, pushing many who were neutral to the opposing side.

In the last ten years, traditional marriage has been the target of an all-out frontal assault.  While Christianity has engaged and repulsed this assault in some areas, we have often done it poorly and sometimes without grace.   Furthermore, many Christians did not engage the battle at all and believed that traditional marriage was such a bedrock concept that it would never cease to be the basis of our society.  Now we see that most Christians have underestimated the effectiveness of the assault on traditional marriage.

Today as I write this, I believe it is time for Christians to utilize different battle tactics concerning marriage.  Although it pains me to admit it, we Christians have already lost the war to preserve traditional marriage.  What we are seeing now is this reality working through our society as exemplified by the Fourth Circuit Court of the United States' decision last week to overturn Virginia's constitutional ban on same-sex marriage.  Don’t get me wrong, those of us committed to biblical Christianity must stay involved in the fray.  There will be lawsuits and counter-suits with advances and pullbacks, and we owe it to our fellow man to do all we can to delay the redefinition of traditional marriage.   I am convinced, however, that the trend is decidedly against traditional marriage.

While we owe it to our God and our country to stand as beacons of truth,  we must now fight a rear-guard action as we regroup.  In a rear-guard battle, any hope of meaningful advance is lost.  You have realized that continuing to go toe-to-toe with your opponent is futile.  Tactics have to change.  The strongest fighters entrench and seek to hold territory, giving up any inch of ground grudgingly.  The goal of a rear guard battle is to preserve remaining strength to fight another day.  I believe this is where we Christians find ourselves in regard to marriage.  Society has changed.  The views of the masses have shifted – so must our tactics.

I believe we will now inevitably see the onslaught of every kind of challenge to traditional marriage.  Plural marriage, intra-family marriage, common law marriage, and no marriage at all – I believe these will inevitably become the norms for America going forward.  I am certainly not the first to say it, but it is no less obvious to me that we have jumped onto the slippery slope and are careening toward a place where the definition of marriage is so broad that it means nothing at all.  As Christians, we might as well quit deluding ourselves and face this reality.  It will be decades, at best, before our society admits any damage done by redefining marriage.  In fact, to get society to admit that redefining marriage was a wrong-headed idea, the societal damage will have to be horrific and undeniable.  "I told you so" will give Christians precious little comfort at that time, but I fear that's about the best we can hope for at this point.

So what are we to do?  Just give up?  Certainly not!  We still need to lead decisively, but we need to keep our expectations in check.  First, we need to get back to the business of showing others the love of Christ as we live our lives among them.  Everything else will take care of itself if we focus on this main objective.  Second, we should stand up for our belief in the truth of Christ’s teachings (which includes his teachings on marriage).  We don’t give up our views because the culture has changed.  We are, after all, still citizens of the USA and have every right to stand for our values.  Third, we are obligated to live out our marriages as examples of what Christian marriage is all about.  In fact, if we had been doing this all along, perhaps there would not be so much confusion about the societal centrality of traditional marriage.  Fourth, we prepare to face the persecution that I believe will inevitably come just for holding our views.  

Freedom of conscience is a fragile thing.  The day is already here where holding to a Christian view of marriage equates to bigotry in the popular culture.  Culture always changes first – then legislation follows to enforce it.  There is coming a day – likely in my lifetime – where merely publicly upholding my view of Christian marriage will land me askew of the law.  We are already seeing it in certain areas.  There is the example of the Colorado baker who believes same-sex marriage is wrong and is being forced to either bake the cake of a same-sex couple or possibly go to jail.  We will soon see churches challenged who refuse to perform same-sex marriages.  Other alternate marriage requirements will follow as marriage continues to be redefined.

The words of Peter are becoming especially true for believers:

1 Peter 3:12-17 (NIV)
¹²Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. ¹³But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. ¹⁴If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. ¹⁵If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. ¹⁶However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. ¹⁷For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?

As Peter notes here, just because we may become oppressed does not mean we are in the right – thieves and murderers are oppressed.  But if we suffer for genuinely following Christ, we should not be surprised.  American Christians have experienced an unprecedented period of peace.  We should not be surprised that our day of trial is coming.  Will we stand when the pressure comes?   We shall soon see.

Am I just being a prophet of doom and gloom?  Am I blowing reality out of proportion?  Am I just so averse to change that I can't identify progress when it happens?  Perhaps, but anyone who knows me understands I am a natural optimist and simultaneously a practiced realist.  I believe very difficult days are coming as our marriages and families spiral into irrelevance.  I pray I am wrong, but I believe firmly that I am right.  God help us all.  That really is the only answer.