A Decade of Leukemia - Coming Full Circle

For ten years now, I have written or blogged at times about a significant part of our family's journey, and this could well be my last post on the subject.  Over the last decade, thousands of you have walked with us through arguably one of the most horrific situations a family can experience:  the diagnosis of cancer (and more specifically acute lymphoblastic leukemia - ALL) in the life of your child.  You walked with us through the months of Brad's thirteen-year-old life on a razor's edge as he was hospitalized from the initial bacterial septic shock that hurtled us down this path.  You walked with us through three-and-a-half years of the first horrible treatment and then another two-and-a-half when he relapsed - a nearly seven-year span of treatment in all.  You walked with us through two hip replacements and two hand/wrist surgeries since then to deal with the damage from all the treatment. It has been a difficult ten years - especially for Brad.

Those of you who were with us from the beginning witnessed the daily miracles (and I don't use that word lightly or flippantly) for Brad to survive at all.  Time and again Brad was at the point of death.  Time and again, God spared him.  Through the years, I don't know how many people have said something to the effect of, "God must really have something special planned for Brad to bring him through all of this."  Most of the time, that was what I believed as well - and it was always what I hoped.  Some of the time, I wondered if God had other purposes in this pain, and if we would ever get through it.

Four weeks ago, Brad arrived at the University of Cincinnati as a first-year medical student to begin his training as a doctor.  We could not be happier for him or more thankful.  Although it is far too early to know for sure, Brad has an interest in pediatric oncology or possibly emergency medicine.  In many ways, it now all seems so clear:  God has brought Brad full circle in order to now do for others what was done for him - all with a deep understanding of what these patients go through. 

It is tempting - and would be satisfying - to finally declare God's purpose in all of this, but I think that would be a mistake.  As I look back, I now see that God wasn't preparing Brad to be positively used for him - he was using Brad all along the way.  Brad has had a platform to share his story and the hope for his faith that he would have never had any other way.  The same holds true for the rest of our family.  It is not as if we finally have found purpose in the suffering - the purpose was there all along.  We often couldn't see any purpose, and we for sure didn't welcome the struggle, but this path has only strengthened our faith as we have had the opportunity to see God work in ways we never would have any other way.

Our faith has been tested and refined.  It is far from perfected, but it is strengthened.  There's an age-old question that causes some to walk away from faith in God:  "How could a loving God allow such suffering in our lives if he really cares about us?"  I don't have all the answers, but I do have some:  I would never have known his mercy without the difficult times.  I would never have understood myself in the way I do now without these struggles.  I would not have known him and my need for him as I do now without the desperation.

I have learned a few things in life.  One is that there is no growth in any area without struggle.  That is just as true in our relationship with God.  I have learned to be thankful when times are good and be grateful to the God who gives good things.  I have learned that even when I can't see what he's doing, God is there.  I have learned that struggles are always coming - they are an unavoidable part of life.  And no matter what comes our way, I have learned to value more dearly the promise that when we come to God through the sacrifice he has provided for us in Jesus, we can know that we have life - both here and in eternity.  It just means more now.

So here we are, exactly ten years to the minute when my son was not supposed to live through the night.  It was inevitable that he would be severely brain damaged at best if he should somehow survive a while.  He would never leave the hospital if he survived any time at all.  Yet, three weeks ago, I watched my son walk across the stage to receive his white coat as a first-year medical student.  I will never presume upon God, but it surely does seem that he has more for Brad than we could have imagined!  My prayer is that God will use Brad mightily for his purposes.  Thank you to all who have walked with us during this decade.  I look forward with great expectancy to the next!