The 29th of August. This day may not be significant for you, but it is forever burned into the very psyche of our family. It was on this day, four years ago, that our then 13-year-old son Bradley went into septic shock from the staph infection that ran rampant through his body. It was August 29th, 2009, that our lives were irreversibly changed. It was August 29th when we were told our previously energetic, brilliant, healthy, and loving son would not live. It was August 29th that we learned he had leukemia which had allowed the septic infection to destroy every system of his body.
I won’t rehash all the details of those days. Those of you who were there remember them. If you’re interested, you can read about them in the notes section of my Facebook page. On the night of August 29, 2009, I had no idea what we were about to face. We did not foresee another three months of Bradley fighting for his life in the hospital. We never imagined that Brad would not be able to walk when he came home and would be on a feeding tube for months. We never dreamed that he would drop from 100 to 66 pounds, need over 20 medications, require multiple daily breathing treatments, undergo months – even years – of physical therapy and miss his entire 8th grade of school. We did not know Stacey would shift from full-time teacher to full-time nurse and tutor. We did not know our lives would revolve around his leukemia for the next three years.
In January, I posted that Brad had completed his chemotherapy, and you celebrated with us. A few weeks ago, Brad finished his last ongoing precautionary antibiotic as his blood constituents stabilized post-chemotherapy. Now, four years later to the day, Brad has just started his senior year with the same hopes, dreams and expectations as any other student. I know he’s thrilled to be “normal” again. At the same time, none of us – Brad especially – will ever be normal again, and that’s a good thing.
Over these last four years, we have traveled back to the Kosair Hospital oncology wing (“7-West” to those in the know) on a regular basis to minister to families who are facing what we faced. It seemed fitting on this day to share with you what I have shared with them on many occasions.
I have been a Christian for a long time now. I have known and taught the following scriptures for many years:
James 1:2 - 4 (NIV) 2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Romans 8:28 (NIV) 28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
In our minds we believed these verses, but Bradley’s leukemia put our faith to the test. Is it really possible to face life-threatening and life-altering events while “considering it pure joy”? Can you really see God working good in your life when your child is dying from cancer? I can tell you that the answer is yes.
I don’t know about you, but Stacey and I would often talk about how blessed we were as a family. We had smart, healthy boys, a nice home, good jobs, and a frisky dog. We had great friends and a strong family. Like many people over the last two thousand years, I knew these verses from the Bible and even believed them intellectually; however, I didn’t spend any time asking for trials. I was perfectly happy with the life God had given us just the way it was.
I would often look at what others were going through, and genuinely pray for them and ask God to help them (and silently feel relief that it wasn’t me who was struggling). I knew, mentally, that faith is only built through hard times, but I was quite content (sometimes with a dose of guilt) to keep things the way they were. I often wondered how I would hold up in the face of trial, but the truth was I really didn’t want to know.
Whether I wanted to know or not, God allowed me to find out. He showed me that indeed, trials can produce great good. Here are some ways I have been changed:
- God has made me more sympathetic, empathetic and even emotional. I did not ever really ask for any of these things as I thought I was in pretty good shape. He knew better.
- My faith has moved from theoretical to real. It’s one thing to talk about trusting God in hard times. It’s quite another to have to do it.
- I have learned that God will sustain us in ways we could never dream of even in our darkest times. He provided what we needed at times before we knew we needed it.
- I have learned to love people more.
- I have learned that most of what we worry about and concern ourselves with just doesn’t matter – a hard mattress pad, a sheet and reasonably clean underwear are more than enough to get by. Months sleeping on a hospital couch will teach you that.
- This has brought our family, our friends, Bradley’s friends, his school, and even our church closer together – many of us have grown through this.
- I have learned patience in a way I had not experienced before.
- I have learned to recognize and live in happy moments as they come.
- I have learned to give up my phony belief that I have control over the events of my life.
We have come to see the faithfulness of God and his people in breathtaking new ways through Brad’s illness. I do, however, have a couple of questions that I have thought about a great deal over the last four years: If God had showed me what we were about to go through along with the impact it would have on me, and if he had further allowed me a choice, would I have said yes to this difficulty? If God were to give me a similar choice right now about Matthew or Stacey or even myself, would I say yes?
The truth is I am not sure I’m yet strong enough to choose this kind of struggle given the choice. Thankfully, God does not leave it up to us to decide what we need in order to grow. He gives us what we need at his own discretion. Our job as believers is to trust him no matter how bad things seem or how confusing the situation may be. I know that these are trying times for many who may read this. I know that it is hard to see how God could possibly be doing something good with what is going on in your life. You may be worried and tired and stressed. You go from hope to despair back to hope and down again. Your marriage may be strained. You may be worried about your bills and your job. You may worry how long your ordeal will last.
Our family understands how hard it is to keep hope during times of overwhelming trouble; however, as we tell cancer families at Kosair hospital, we can tell you from personal experience that God will sustain you if you trust him. I can tell you that good can come from your darkest hours. Truly, God does work for the good of those who love him. You can bank on that promise. Don’t, however, miss the “of those who love him” part. You can’t love what you do not know. My experience agrees with the truths taught in Scripture – we draw near to God only as we trust in Jesus Christ. This is the starting point for experiencing joy in times of trouble.
No comments:
Post a Comment
I encourage your comments and welcome the dialog! I will publish any comment whether positive or negative if made with appropriate decorum toward myself or others. I reserve the right to exclude comments strictly based on my subjective perception of appropriate decorum - author's privilege!